I am a Technical genius.

It always amazes me how dumb some people can be about technology and computers. And they work with them every day. I could forgive you if you never really touched one, but if you work with a computer and printer on a daily basis, some things should be obvious.

Like when the print quality sucks. The first thing you should do is pull out the toner cartridge to see if something is obviously wrong, right? Nope. What you do is call technical support and hold the phone while listening to the muzac version of "Innagoddavida" for 45 minutes.

I came in for my shift once to the above scenario. So, I pull out the print cartridge. Voila! A label has somehow peeled off the paper and stuck to the cartridge. I peel said label off, do a test print....and it WORKS! Problem solved.

Of course that means the above individual has to go back to work instead of just standing there.....

Then there is the "I can't read the doctor's signature" dodge. Often there is a phone number or licence number. If it is a licence number, then the answer is easy, go to the college of physicians and surgeons website, go to their search engine, type in the number and the doctor's name magically appears. The phone number thing means you actually have to pick up the phone and call the number, but even if it is after hours there is almost always a machine that says "You have reached Dr. Idont Workweekends if you have a medical emergency please go to the nearest emergency room. Please note you need an appointment for prescription renewals...bla bla bla". This means that you still can get the doctor's name from the message.

I often fax in a copy of the prescription to the doctors office when I need clarification of something. Even if it is after hours. Many times there is still someone in the office clearing up paperwork even though they are not answering the phone. And they call me back with the answer even though it is technically after hours. This way I can finish the prescription and not have it hanging over my head until the next business day.

Even if they don't give me an answer right away because there really IS no-one there, it is STILL not hanging over my head. The question has been communicated, now I just have to wait.

Now that is how one uses ones technical know-how to get the job done.

Drug Plan Etiquette

Listen up folks. I'm tired of screw-ups and more work because of your stupidity regarding your drug plan.

1. If you have a new card, BRING IT IN. I cannot just guess what the new numbers/company is/are. My crystal ball is not that good. If it were do you think I'd be working here?

2. If you have a drug plan, tell me BEFORE I do up the prescriptions. It DOES NOT work like your maxed-out credit card. I don't just swipe it through some reader. I have to go back into the computer, cancel your prescriptions, add the drug plan, rebill the prescription, change the days supply bacause it turns out that your cheap-o drug plan only pays for 1 month at a time,resubmit THAT, get the okay from the drug plan, pull open the bag your already done prescriptions were in, re-count your prescription to the quantity paid for by your plan, re-label everything, change the receipts out and then you can have your Percocet.

3. If your drug plan has cancelled you, tell me so I don't waste my time and yours trying to put the billing through the drug plan. And if you were fired from your minimum wage burger-flipping job, your drug plan won't work. I know it's inconvenient for you to have to pay for your Oxycontin, but them's the breaks. Besides, you can re-sell them on the street for a profit. Oh wait, you already knew that, didn't you? That's why you were willing to pay cash when it turned out your plan was indeed cancelled.

4.Don't just hand me a drug plan card and walk away. I need information. Like your birthday. Like if it's your plan. Like if it's your spouse's plan. I need to know if you are a girl or a boy. I know it seems obvious, but believe me, it ain't always!

5. Don't blame me if your name should have been spelled Giamyelli and not Jameylee. How the hell would I know? You momma just stuck some random letters together and "created" your name. In the mistaken idea that an unusual name would make you more interesting. You're not. And if the drug plan has screwed up your "unique and beautiful" name? Yeah, they ain't gonna pay for your Valium. Not something I can fix. It is your responsibility to check the damn paperwork they send you to make sure they got it right.

6. If your drug plan has a deductible, that means you have to pay that part of the cost. It's not a number I pull out of my ass. Again, check the fucking paperwork, it will tell you what that is.

7. No, you may not take the other prescription that doesn't have a deductible on it because the drug plan charged the deductible to the first prescription. I will have to cancel BOTH prescriptions and yada yada see #2. And then the deductible will be charged to the prescription you do want (your Tylenol #3's. Shocking). So you sill still have to pay it.

8. You may not bill your Demerol to the plan twice in a week when it was supposed to last you a month. You can pay cash and sell it on the street as in #3.

Thank you for your time
Have a nice fucking day

Information Booth

Today I had 2 different sets of people walk into my pharmacy to get directions. Why would you go to a pharmacy to get directions? Why not the UPS store next door? Why not the restaurant in the same strip mall?

One of the people didn't even have an address. They were looking for "a chiropractor". They didn't have an address or even the chiropractor's name! I picked a chiropractor and sent them on their way. Don't know if it's the right one. There are 3 or 4 of them resonably close to the pharmacy. Don't really care if it's the right one either. Maybe they should have called the office and asked where they were. Or is that too easy?

Either way, I don't know why people think a pharmacy is a good place to ask for directions. And I find it annoying that I have to stop what I am doing and be polite to them. They never even buy a pack of gum either.

Information?

I got a phone call today asking for information. Nope, not info about a medication or anything. They wanted the phone number of a store near us in the mall. Why would you call a pharmacy for that info? Do I look like a telephone info service? Never mind that clearly this person is a frequent flier in this store, judging from the slurred speech. At 10:33am.

I am used to giving out info. Just not info that you can get by calling the telephone operator. Oh wait, THAT'S why I was called. The phone company charges you if you are too lazy to look up the number in your phone book! She was hoping I'd pull out MY phone book and look up the number for her. All in the name of customer service. Give me a break!

To all the lazy people out there, your pharmacist is not a customer service desk. We are a very specialized information service. If your question has nothing to do with health or drugs or even herbs (both legal and illegal ones) then don't call me. If you want to know what happens if you smoke jimson weed or oregano, that would be an okay question. After all, it is vaguely pharmaceutically related and would provide me with some entertainment. Not mention blog fodder.....

Yes, I am a pharmacist

Dear office monkey, yes, I, the pharmacist, actually answered the phone. Do not assume that because of that fact that I am NOT a pharmacsit. Just because the doctor you work for will not demean himself to such menial tasks as answering phones does not mean the rest of the world is like that.

Clearly his business is not dependent on good customer service. I answered the phone because I happened to be free and the tech was already helping a client.

It is okay to ask "is this the pharmacist?". It is NOT okay to say, "I don't need you to get the pharmacist for this. " As you already have the pharmacist and I find your attitude lacking in respect.

Time Whirlpool

As in time-sucking customer. Please, please, do not spread all of your meds all over the counter to figure out what you are getting. Do not get pissed off at me when your drug plan says you should have another 63 days of your meds and won't pay for another supply yet. Do not compare every med with what you THINK you remember at home while taking up all of my counter space and denying the other customers standing right behind you any kind of decent service. Do not argue with me when I tell you that your plan will only pay for the generic (ie cheaper) drug and if you want the brand name you have to pay. Them's the breaks.



While I'm at it, also do not walk out of my store and then come back in 10 minutes to ask me the same questions you just finished asking me. Ask your wife. She was standing next to you the whole time. Even if you have no memory because of all the sedative and nerve pills you are on, she isn't and remembers all of it.



Please just GO AWAY!

You want me to do what????

Listen lady, your daughter is out of repeats on all 3 meds. No, it is not MY fault. Your daughter is 18 and legally an adult. YOU are her mommy. Why on earth should I keep track of her meds???? I will fax the doctor for the refills, IF you are filling them in my store. I will NOT then take the authorizations and fax them to your new pharmacy in another town because that is where you now live. Why should I do all this extra work when you are taking your business elsewhere? In fact, why should I HELP you take your business elsewhere? Get your new pharmacy to call.



You have never been nice to me. You have always been exceedingly rude to my staff. You are now being rude to me because you are too damn lazy to call your doctor yourself to see why the repeats have not been faxed to your new pharmacy. How the hell should I know what is going on in your doctor's office? Do I look omniscient? 'Cause if I was, I wouldn't be listening to you bitch on the phone!



Face it, you have never given me a single reason to be helpful. And now you are giving me more reasons to hang up on you.



Bye